5.15.2011
touched by an angel
Genevieve Church sat next to me and asked, "Do you want someone to pray with?"
I wanted to say, No. I'd rather just be alone, but I said, "Sure. I'll do that."
"Ok what do you want to pray about?"
My sorry-ass self. "Family.. Well.. I just feel like I've lost touch with God." She gripped my hand and looked into my eyes. The kindest sincerest eyes I had ever seen. And yet, I could help but wonder, is this girl some kind of weird lesbian?
I had crying a little bit. Thinking about how I'd been so selfish all my life. Taking advantage of people, having tantrums when things don't go my way. Wondering why I bring people down when they're happy and push people away the minute they get close. I felt so separated from God.. from anything moral or good. So far away from happiness.. and like I wouldn't be able to move forward in a meaningful way.
Then I heard her voice.. like a powerful storm stirring all that I was keeping inside for 2 weeks. The words were mush. But pieces.. "help her to see that she is not alone... that God loves her unconditionally.." I started crying. Tears streaming. How grateful I felt for someone to reach out to me. To see me dying inside. A true gift from God.
The longest hug on earth.. Then took my phone and put her number in it. With that, she was off. She left as quickly as she came. Not before mentioning Rock Harbor, my brother's Christian church. Interesting. And I sat there.. through an entire 2nd mass. I felt absolved. Reconnected. Revived.
What made this girl sit down with me today? How did she know I needed her so much?
I got mad at him for not loving me enough... when I know very well that an attempt at love would be a suicide attempt a la romeo and juliet. I know I need to let go.. Just need the strength.
